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Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

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Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Ixion7 on October 17th 2009, 12:09 am


Puppet Name: Numero Cinque--The Pain
Range: Mid-Ranged
Appearance:

The Pain is clothed in black and red clothing that represents the dark influences that Epsilon believes are within his heart and soul. The puppet itself is made from a rare type of wood that doesn't burn but actually causes combustion. Found in the Akamori, many don't even know that this wood exists. To some extent, neither does Epsilon. In the very least, he doesn't know where to find it since he wanders and is blind. Ordinarily, the wood is used for simple fire wood, but using tsukara, Epsilon has managed to create a type of flamethrowing puppet capable of enhancing its own flames as well as others. The Pain has large wings on its back that allow it to easily glide through the air. When used with the flames that it can create, it can accelerate which causes flight. Of course, this is all being done by Epsilon's tsukara, but the tsukara controlling it is so thin that it appears as though the puppet is controlling itself and flying on its own. Uniquely crafted claws made mostly from the same wood and a little bit of light metal allows The Pain to pierce through many objects like stones or even iron when used with the flames available to it.






Techniques:

[Hell Reap-The hands on The Pain blaze an intense red heat that seems as though it can melt even a rock. Both claws appear solid although they are merely flames with a dark tint and hue. Being an offensive puppet used for attacking, this technique is nearly always used and remains predictable while also keeping the opponents on their toes. The attacks are constant, relentless, and seemingly endless.]

(Tsukara Cost-200)
(Attack Power-150)
(1 Item Dice needed)

[Pyro Burst-Tsukara flows through the body of the puppet and as a result, the puppet's body becomes encased in flames that heat the area as well as the one controlling the puppet. While in effect, this increases the Attack Power of Fire element techniques by 300 for 5 turns]

(Tsukara Cost-250)
(Attack Power-N/A)
(3 Item Dice needed)

Category: Offensive
History: The Pain was one of the first puppets created by Epsilon after he was infused with the two spirits and killed his uncle. Each puppet represents a piece of Epsilon's soul and his emotions. They express what he's feeling on the inside and take physical form through his puppets. The Pain is obviously created to express how he envisions his pain. Others exist much like The Pain, but they have their own different appearances based on the corresponding emotion. Overall, this puppet required 7 days total to complete, which is considerably fast even though the creator has no vision. The puppet was created initially during the time when Epsilon was still living with his uncle. It was finished in 3 days after he killed his uncle. Although he lost the memories, the pain he felt could still be felt within.


Last edited by Ixion7 on February 4th 2010, 9:24 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Ixion7
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Number of posts : 105

The BattleField
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Tsukara-Skill Points:
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Experience Points :
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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Ixion7 on November 14th 2009, 6:27 pm

Completed. Now awaiting approval or comments.
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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Sara on November 14th 2009, 6:52 pm

Overall, not much wrong, but...

"The puppet itself is made from a rare type of wood that doesn't burn but actually causes combustion." Perhaps a little description of where the wood was found or how it came into Epsilons possession. Just saying the magical mystical wood isn't very helpful, just seems like a bit of a copp out on trying to figure this out, or you could have overlooke dit, either way, I'd like to see that. Also, the mor detail you give now, the less you'll need to explain later.

"a little bit of light metal allows The Pain to pierce through many objects." Again... some examples of the range of objects that can be peirced would be nice, how are people to know if things are possible if you're not specific. Just something like, it can get through a sheet or aluminim but can't get through a foot of iron or something. Limitation FTW,

"seems as though it can melt even a rock" This seems to be the main problem, it's not lack of detail, you're detailed enough, it just seems you glance over things like this, Can this melt rocks or can't it? What is it's burning limit? Does it have one? I dunno. it'll lead to confusion laters.

In the history it is generally vague... maybe that's what you were going for, but where you say when he made it, a more precise figure would be helpful, a few months after he left, a few years, Things change over the years. Though the whole thing about it being one of the first is very ionteresting and insightful to your character, as Pain is evidently one of his strongest conveyed emotions as it was one of the first ones...

In general, more detail needed... but you have enough... if you know what I mean, just the fine tuning bits are lacking. Other than that... Goos job! The whole character and what your doing with him seems so interesting, can't wait till he's all done so we can see him in action!

(Anyone think I am wrong, I'll be happy to discuss it Very Happy)

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Sara
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Number of posts : 200
Age : 26
Location : Darklands
Occupation : Nothing
Interests : Martial Arts; Music.

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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Ixion7 on November 21st 2009, 12:29 am

The history wasn't really supposed to be vague. Its just that the puppet doesn't have that much of a background since it isn't that special. I fixed the other stuff.
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Ixion7
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Number of posts : 105

The BattleField
Health Points:
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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Ixion7 on November 26th 2009, 10:27 am

bump
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Ixion7
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Number of posts : 105

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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

Post by Sara on November 26th 2009, 4:08 pm

I'm so sorry! I hadn't seen this was updated!

I don't see anything wrong now! Approved!

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Sara
Suzaku Elite

Female
Number of posts : 200
Age : 26
Location : Darklands
Occupation : Nothing
Interests : Martial Arts; Music.

The BattleField
Health Points:
4000/4000  (4000/4000)
Tsukara-Skill Points:
5000/5000  (5000/5000)
Experience Points :
100/100  (100/100)

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Re: Khronicles: Numero Cinque-- The Pain

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