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ArchAngel

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ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on June 23rd 2009, 11:15 pm

Name: Archangel
Gender: Male
Age: 125
Race: Demon
Alliance: Sentou Gakuin

Homeland: His homeland originally was in the city of Nyukyoto. He lived on a hill on the outskirts of the city in a large manor that looks down on Nyukyoto. But after the successful assassination attempt on his life he moved from earth to the pits of hell. There he is constantly surrounded by fire, rocks, lava, and the screams of the other eternally punished souls. There he was to suffer for all eternity until the lord of hell recognized his lust for power and revenge...

Physical Description[Appearance]: He has two appearances. The first is his human form, in which he is about 6ft and his hair is black and low cut and his skin is dark brown. His eyes are dark brown, so dark in fact that they look totally black. He wears a black shirt and pants with flames which allow him to move freely. He wears a red sash around his waist and wears training weights on his wrists and ankles that weight 10 lbs each. He carries a sword along with him on his back that was given to him by the lord of hell which takes on a different appearance in his demon form. In his demon form, his eyes turn red and his pupils become black and diamond shaped which allow him to follow the movement of his enemies with ease. His strength grows 10 times but his body stays the same size with just a little more muscle mass and he is able to move more quickly and freely. His skin turns black and scaly. His nails begin to grow and become claws. Out of his back are his wings of flames that when flapped hard enough create a gust of fire and set the very wind ablaze. Also his sword begins to feed off of his demonic power and begins to grow and change shape as well. It grows in size and gains a flaming aura around it.

Ranking: Red Rank

Personality: Archangel likes to keep to himself. He is a quiet person who is not very social. The only time he may talk to others is if it is about fighting or interrogating people about his death. He walks around and trains in many new ways to become stronger. He serves his master, the lord of hell, whenever he is called to. When on his own he travels to different lands in search of more and more ways to become strong and many new opponents to fight. Also he searches for the men who had him killed. Looking for clues leading to his murder.

Warrior Class: Primary Class: Swordsman and Spellcaster
Sub-Class: assassin and Sage

Elemental Affinity: Fire and Earth

History/Background Story: Archangel started his life as a mortal on earth who seemed to have the perfect life. He lived there on earth for 35 years. After 8 years of college he was able to get a job at the best company in Nyukyoto that specialized in creating new technology. There he became the company's best designer and engineer and eventually moved up in the ranks to become the CEO of that company. Of course that wasn't his real name just one that he got in the business world because of how nice he seemed to the public but so greedy, sneaky and underhanded in the business world. His real name was Kuro Okibi. He was the CEO of a company that he worked for and owned many houses, cars, and a desire for power. His desire was so great that he would do anything to keep what he had and gain more that included killing off anyone and taking anything that he knew would make him more powerful. But when his other business competitors became angry about his actions and fearful for their lives they came together and hired an assassin to kill him off. One night after a banquet that was being held in his honor, as he was making his way home, he was attacked in his limo. His tires were slashed and as the limo laid still, he was shot in the head with a sniper rifle. Immediately his black soul was dragged to the pits of hell where he was to spend the rest of eternity. But the lord of hell sensed something within Kuro. He sensed his want for revenge for whoever killed him and his want for power to get revenge so he made Kuro a deal. The lord of hell said that if Kuro did what he told him to he would allow Kuro to live again to get his revenge and live out his sentence on earth as Archangel, assassin of hell. Kuro accepted and was given great new powers, abilities, weapons, and new life.

RP Sample: While on his way to a mission from the lord of hell, Archangel decided to make a quick stop to his homeland of Nyukyoto. There he stopped to see one of his old business competitors, Yurasu Kashira. Sneaking onto his property he comes up to his house and sees that he is having a dinner party. Knowing that he canít be seen he goes to the roof of the house and looks down through the skylight. He gazed upon Yurasu with hatred knowing that he had something to do with his murder. As he continued to watch he noticed Yurasu leaving the party going into another room, he quickly followed looking into the window of that room and listening to his discussion. "This is a great party tonight Mr. Yurasu" said his assistant. "Thank you thank you I do try" he said. "And to think that this would have most likely never happened if we had never killed off Kuro Obito" he said with a large smile. "Yes sir and good thing you weren't the only one who wanted him gone or it could have been harder to kill him" his assistant said. "That is very true. Maybe me and the others should get together on the anniversary of his death and celebrate" Yurasu said. "That sounds great sir" his assistant said. As Archangel listened, his anger grew and he felt the strong urge to jump through the window and kill them both but instead he chose to wait. He wanted to kill him alone and also get the names of the rest of the people who were involved. "I'll kill you one day" Archangel thought to himself "and when i do i'll personally drag your dirty soul to hell".


Last edited by ArchAngel on February 28th 2010, 10:10 pm; edited 12 times in total
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ArchAngel
Rank Red Warrior

Male
Number of posts : 12
Age : 25
Occupation : Assassin
Interests : Training, Fighting

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Jisenki on September 23rd 2009, 11:19 am

You need to bump when you add things to your post or else no one will know that it was updated.

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Jisenki
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on September 23rd 2009, 1:14 pm

How do I bump it anyway
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ArchAngel
Rank Red Warrior

Male
Number of posts : 12
Age : 25
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Interests : Training, Fighting

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Jisenki on September 25th 2009, 6:37 pm

By either posting something like you just did that's relevant or by posting "bump"

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Jisenki
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Dagomis on September 25th 2009, 7:07 pm

Question: Even though, this character was posted and started before the start of the new rule (which bans (at least for some time) Sentou Gakuin characters of a low rank); I still must ask if this character is allowed to be apart of the school.
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Dagomis
Ryoushi

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Jisenki on September 25th 2009, 7:09 pm

He is. I already gave him permission.

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Jisenki
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Sara on September 25th 2009, 8:11 pm

I'm sorry to say that using Tokyo, Japan doesn't really work in the story line. This universe isn't earth as we know it, like in the DC or Marvel universes where things get added to our own. This is more like a Final Fantasy, where things are completely detached.

Also, even if that weren't the case, your homeland should be more descriptive. You said Tokyo, but that is a very large city and just saying Tokyo is very vague. Penthouse in midtown, mannor house on the outskirts. I know it doesn't seem inportant, but the places your characters come from help shape them as much as their history so the more detail the easier characters are to empathise with.

More detail in general would be appreciated, how long were you there? Things like that.

Some of the points in personality i think should be moved to the history. Things like goals should come in there more than personality. It'd make more sense (to me at least) to add that onto there because then you can explain why. The personality should prolly be a bit more detailed too. you have no attitude differentiation and no quirks that make your character individual you also haven't really given any dirrection into the depth of things and the extent to which he does things. "He likes to keep to himself" That is good to say, but that is very vague, is he a loner? Quiet? Socially detached due to an unfortunate past? Unable to relate to people on an emtional level. It is just that it will confuse people if you don't specify the depths because it'll be taken in different ways. (assuming that others will read this before RPing with you, of course)

In history some extra detail is needed. Perfect life is a point of view, You could have nothing at all and be completely happy and say that life is perfect. A brief explanation of what that would mean to this character would help.

You almost repeated yourself in there too, (Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with that, it just doesn't make much sense to me) The "His desire was so great that he would do
anything to keep what he had and gain more. He would kill off anyone
and take anything that he knew would make him more powerful" bit.

Appart from these things it looks in good technical order, just a few little things that I think should be dealt with. Thanks!
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Sara
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by artemishiu on October 1st 2009, 12:08 pm

I find this character quite interesting. I like the irony in the name of Archangel for a demon. As for criticism, I have nothing that Sara has not already mentioned.

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artemishiu
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Sara on October 1st 2009, 6:10 pm

Thanks, Very Happy I read it thoroughly. Though it appears I have only succeeded in scaring him away!

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Sara
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by artemishiu on October 2nd 2009, 6:37 pm

Yea, well... I'm sure he'll come back. If not, I'll bug him til he does, lol (irl).

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Deeper and deeper I fall into this abyss of emotion. The only thing for me is the downward motion.
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artemishiu
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Dagomis on October 2nd 2009, 9:23 pm

Sara, you didn't scare him away (lol) he is just incredibly lazy when it comes to this, sometimes for good reason. A, you truly should bug him especially by calling him Jizzi, rather than Juice. Though, this might not make him want to come back any sooner (lol^2). But it would still be funny.
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Ryoushi

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on October 5th 2009, 9:01 am

sara you didnt scare me away, Dagomis is right I am lazy when it comes to this... and no it wouldnt be funny
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ArchAngel
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Number of posts : 12
Age : 25
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Dagomis on October 5th 2009, 9:05 am

'Twould.
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Ryoushi

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Sara on October 5th 2009, 1:03 pm

My mind is ofically at ease. Thank a Latte.

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on November 6th 2009, 1:40 pm

go away hei... u suck
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ArchAngel
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Male
Number of posts : 12
Age : 25
Occupation : Assassin
Interests : Training, Fighting

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Hei on November 6th 2009, 1:46 pm

<3

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As if time came flooding around me, I was caught in its suffocating mist. Never forget me as I face this dreaded path alone. Stars, sing proudly of this fateful night, bathing my face in your blinding light; your never fading voice revives my might and fuels the rage of this final fight.
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Jisenki on November 7th 2009, 12:28 am

Don't spam the topic Hei and Archangel.

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Jisenki
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on November 19th 2009, 3:48 pm

Ok its done.... i hope
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ArchAngel
Rank Red Warrior

Male
Number of posts : 12
Age : 25
Occupation : Assassin
Interests : Training, Fighting

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Dagomis on December 6th 2009, 1:56 am

Arch, I must ask you to update this to the new template. I can no longer remember the criteria for approval or denial for this template. You are free to deny, but I truly hope that you will update.
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Ryoushi

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Kisuke on December 6th 2009, 8:44 pm

One thing that I should comment on is the homeland. Tokyo, Japan doesn't exist in the Sentou Gakuin world so Japan is not a logically reasonable homeland. Nyukyoto, however, is a substitute that can be used.

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Kisuke
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Dagomis on December 6th 2009, 9:05 pm

[I don't believe that has ever been said explicitly. If it has and someone can correct me, I would ask them to show me where this is. But, as of the moment, I don't think that there is anything wrong with his character sporting Japan as a homeland.]
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Dagomis
Ryoushi

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Kisuke on December 6th 2009, 9:24 pm

Jisenki told me this in training. I don't have the PM anymore but he stated that the history must make sense with the forum. The same applies for the homeland as well. For whatever reason, I guess he assumed many people would use Japan as a homeland and made Nyukyoto. According to him, the world of Sentou Gakuin is not the same world that we live in so Japan wouldn't exist.

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Kisuke
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Sara on January 6th 2010, 5:17 am

He told me as well, but I thought I'd mentioned it. O.o Perhaps not. I failed!

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Re: ArchAngel

Post by ArchAngel on February 4th 2010, 2:33 pm

ok i said screw it im going for yellow rank instead of red so just tell me what you think
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ArchAngel
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Age : 25
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Re: ArchAngel

Post by Jisenki on February 14th 2010, 6:38 pm

either way it wouldn't matter. Yellow and Red have the same requirements.

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Jisenki
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Re: ArchAngel

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